Friday, October 31, 2008

It's only words...

11 am , two days back : After solving ( rather cracking my head) over 3 very disturbing sums , switched on the radio & lo what could be playing?? --"DISTURBIA" . The RJ was having her usual chit-chat with callers with the topic being " What hurts you the most", various people called & then there was this girl who said " It's like we tide over the great failures life offers us but somehow we feel disturbed if someone doesn't smile at us , or laughs at us " .

Is that true?? How many times has it been that some random guy/girl cold shouldered us & we developed a grudge against them? How much time did it take for us to get over the fact that we flunked our maths exam? less or more?

I thought over it , & found some of it to be true .

11 years back :We had bought this bed with a huge bed stead . clumsy me fell on it & got an 'anda' on my lil head , ma said " ooof stop being an idiot " next day my bro followed suit & mom applied ice . I noticed. After a week i was crying buckets , when ma asked what happened ?? *You called me an idiot , but didn't say anything to him* ( sobbing sobbing). Understanding the emergency of the situation ,she pampered me like hell *smiling*.
That was the time i had felt bad that we weren't treated equally & promptly forgot all the times my bro got scolded bocz of me. How selfish na??

How emotional we are na?? As we grow up & learn the finer nuances of life , we build these walls around us which stop us from calling out to people , stop us from telling them that they've hurt us . Rather we magnify small things & lose ourselves in it.

But there are times when we need to speak out loud , appeal & make people listen to us .These are the times when staying mum just won't help .

Both ways round , the more we speak & let people know about how we feel , the better they"ll know not to hurt us , not to chide us , but to comfort us , to be friends with us & lastly to point out our mistakes to us.

I really wanted to write about something positive & bursting with joy types ,but...right now , I feel there's a need for people to communicate with each other rather than keeping all the emotions bottled up.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Dream On

What was your dream??
Something you thought you would & were certain that you could???
&What has happened to it now?? Has life shaped up the way you wanted it to?

I remember my dad saying that as a kid he wanted to be a bus conductor because of the limitless freedom it offered to him ( I guess his main dream was to get freedom from the over fathoming attention a single kid gets ) .

My own dream was not so lofty , all I ever wanted to be as a kid ( & as far as my memory takes me back) was to be a ballet dancer . ( are you laughing? ) Guess what I used to actually practise standing on my toes , do the split your legs thing & all that . I used to think so what if i can't pursue it right now , I"ll practise now & by the time I"ll grow up , I"ll be ready. :) ahh childhood - when you believe you can get whatever you want ( I still do) .

Then , time passed & I wanted to be a psychiatrist & being a doctor seemed to be a noble profession :). By the time i reached my 12th , had started hated bio & loving maths :) . I even gave all the Entrance exams AIPMT , AIIMS ( !! ) etc etc .Finally mustered up the courage to tell my folks that human / plant anatomy was not my thing .
( phew ! )

I could still touch my head with my toes :)

Three years have passed since that day , have gained almost 8 more kgs ( no issue ) , have met an ocean of people ( some good , some better) , gone from one sem to another , made gpa's more significant than they ever were ,but , I can't remember the last time I did a piroutte . Have I let go of my dream ?? the perfectionist in me?? the kid who got up at 2 am to study for her sanskrit test ?

. As we grow up, someone or the other might say " oh cmo'n stop being a baby " , " grow up" & with our impressionable minds we think that yaaa what a baby I was .

I guess at some point or the other all of us have let go their dreams regarding it as childish , but what if we hadn't ? The point here is not whether we achieve what we dreamt about but what our dreams promised to give us .
All I had to do was think of times gone by , & what I had wanted to be then.

Writing this post made me feel that somewhere down inside I still know that girl ( that bachhi :) ) That kid in me reminds me that I can still do it , do whatever I wanna do , dance the way I like to .
New dreams take the place of older ones .Life is ever changing ever demanding but the crux remains same .

Dream On...

p.s=" pehla nasha" my blog song reminds me of the time when i had my first crush on a cute guy called amir khan :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Its almost one a.m. & I have been thinking what should my next post be about. Should it be about my visit to Hyderabad?? No , that would sound like one of those 'My Holiday' essays we used to do as kids, & in any case people know more about paradise ki biryani , salarjung museum , hussain sagar more than what I could know in 4 days .

Holidays are always such eye openers . they open my eyes to the kind of person i've mor
phed into , the kinds of changes i've undertaken . I realised that even though the no. of readers reading my blog had increased by about six times than what it was initially , the language or rather the ideas i used were somewhat childish or rather immaturish ( not that i have any hurry to grow up & all ) . The whole idea of being " truthful " was to be what i am . But somewhere down the line i adopted the mannerisms which were not mine so that people would think that ya i'm on the same level as they are . Yup that was me then & this is me now.

& before i bore you furthur with my introspections &
retrospections lemme tell u about the two books i read last week .

I know that most of you must have heard about T.D.W.P ( laurent weiseberger) courtesy the movie & maybe like me had no idea about 'Tuesdays with Morrie ' ( sorry for the generalisation , i tend to forget that others are not as ignorant as i am ) .

Have any of you had teachers you remember even now ?? Someone who instilled something in you ?

I remember my class 7 science teacher Mrs Shipra Ghosh . That was the time when maths & me were like chalk & cheese , in fact the continuous 7/30 or the highest 15/30 had dealt such a blow on my confidence that i had started fumbling in other subjects too . That was the time we had Ghosh as our teacher . She was first of the many teachers who changed the way i looked at my science book . & then came the strictest maths tutor I had seen in my life Mr Chowdhury & our physics sir Mt Gugan , who used to think studies were something to be liked . this thought of their's had us gaping because some where in our 14 years of school dom we had realised that since these teachers had such surly faces while teaching things they themselves were not interested in their subjects . & then these new teachers came & made us sit up & realise that " yay baby there's a lot to be learned from all spheres of life even if u think otherwise " .

Do keep in mind that I'm not some IIT ian ( which here is is still considered to be the nishani of an intelligent kid , & IItians don't take it otherwise :) )

So what do you do when your favourite teacher is holding on to the last threads if his life ??That is the basic premise of "tuesdays with morrie" where a student meets his old dying teacher every tueday & talks to him , listening to his experiences about life .

The Devil Wears Prada , too is about a teacher , though , of quite a different kind.
Miranda Priestly is THE boss from hell . She'll make you lose your boy friend , your best friend ,your confidence and then will complain that her cappuccino has gone cold & end it all with a "that's all" no hello's, no sorry's & certainly no thank you's.
Andrea the new assistant ( read slave ) learns to run around in stilettos, survive on soup for 24 hrs & stay mum all at the same time & at the same place she thought was not where she belonged .

What would you do if you had a boss / teacher like Miranda ??

Initially my answer was WTF , if I had a boss like that I'd go & complain to her & tell her to treat me like a human . But then again , when are such people ever accommodating ???

What Morrie taught in T.W.M was followed by Miranda ( a lil negatively) . Never be sorry for the person you are , don't doubt yourself or your abilities . Miranda never doubted that what she did was right & hence was supersuccesful. I'm not suggesting here that you treat the rest of the mankind as lizards or something , but it's like I / we have to stop thinking that something in us is bad . The more we believe in the goodness in us the more
will it come out.

Teachers are all around us . Even when we are like 100 yr old there''ll be someonewho can teach us about the world , what it had been & what more changes it will experiment with. & maybe someday if we are lucky we might impart something to someone too :)

p.s =If this post sounds a lil preachy & holistic & if you don't like it plz feel free to express yourself . Of late Ive been feeling that people might get offended if I comment about my disagreement with their blog posts . Is it necessary that we have to align with someone's thoughts in order to interact with them ???

just realised the anamoly here . even though i wrote about not feeling sorry for the person you are , i've already apologized more than twice !!!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

It's Holiday Time

Haven't been out of Kolkata in ages , & am finally going out (Hyderabad to meet dad) . Can't remember the last time I was on a train.
I love the view outside when it's all dark outside , & the train whistles slowly :) :) .
Has been almost a week since my hols started & guess what am already missing college . I mean idling , sitting around , shopping -- have done all that , but somehow...... going to college brings out a whole plethora of activities . The long walk towards our building , that rushing off to the loo just 2 mins before lab , the canteen chow , the library ka A.C & many more things . But one good thing that these chutti's have done is that i have sort of regained my old confident self :D :D. I miss all the masti & friends .

Again bouncing off to a completly different topic -- have you wondered how funny some of the 'friend requests' on orkut are??
for eg: hey let's be my friend ( ya baby there's no harm in being your own friend !!!! )
or wanna make friendship? ( duh & what are the ingredients ?? )
or what is the meaning of your dp ( are you blind or something ?? thats just a girl there ! )
Guess what happened once ?? Fresh out of Jab We Met effect , there was this guy from 'ratlam' who send me a request & I actually went to his profile & pata chala that was the sleaziest guy from there !!!!

Read somewhere , a guy chooses a girl based on her beauuuuutyyy , & a girl does so based on the guy's intelligence . If that is true , girls are the more intelligent lot ,anyways & if its not that means the vice versa is true ? ain't it ?

Anyway don't have anything more to write about & am ending this post soo abruptly , here's wishing you all a very happy puja / dussehera :D :D ENJOY

ps : this blog song 'jane kyun' is dedicated to all my friends .