Wednesday, January 21, 2009


How to get a guy in 15 days ...and then if you have some spare time to lose him. Before reading this the reader must completly believe that this post is made on the superficial observances made by the blogger ( who currently maintains a S.A.D status)

DAY 1.
SMILE AND SMILE AND SMILE . But never look at the ONE  ,always look at your friend . And as an ending to the prolonged SMILE ,GIGGLE , you may take tuitions from * The Aishwarya Institute of How to smile and show off your expensive dentures *
DAY 2.
Be sure that one of his friend has your number , and to make sure that HE has it , by saying it loud in front of someone ( yes the simple process of missed call does not exist)

DAY 3.
Clothes ---- nothing flashy . a simple salwaar kameez (a white one will just be fine :P ). Indian guys= indian clothes , open hair (remember to take comb for bushier hair) , long earrings, lip gloss (the invisible types ) ,kohl /kaajal (a must) . ( God save you if you are a chashmish , no entry for my behenas ) 

DAY 4.
After years and years of observation I truly know why girls go all " shooo cuuuuuuteee ,, oh maaa, baaabbyyyy" when they see a retarted piece of teddy bear / real infant. Elementry Watson, they don't give a shit about babies and stuff, they are actually
mollycodlling the ONE in question ( &also maintaing the garb of secrecy)

DAY 5.
Display of intellectuallism should be limited to *good handwriting*  .

Give him those lost lamb looks , like *what I would do without you*

DAY 7.
If HE is still not thinking about you , then this will. Choose the most ugliest / nonsensical/ poor fella you know . And when the poor demented soul approaches , move one step closer to the ONE and  tattataaaaaaaaa say " I don't feel safe when he's there yaar " ( yes all of them have a fantasy ofplaying "knight in shining armour " . Never mind the demented guy, he's going to make millions in the future and marry someone like  marlyn monroe.

DAY 8 .
Do the hair thing . C'mon gals , I shouldn't be explaining this to you!!!!

DAY 9.
now you need a confidante . plan / spread a rumour about going to the nearest hangout after work /college/watever . The confidante will limit the spread of the rumour only to the ONE. & hence you"ll be alooooneeeeee.

Day 10. The guy still doesnt like you ??? God must be blind /gay/ has a g.f/ is seriously not interested / is the demented guy.


Behave normally ( dont laugh like the idiot you've been for the last 10 days ) DAY12 wear jeans . tees , in short watever you want to. DAY13 Top your studies , (most guys think thats arrogancy ) DAY14 talk to all and sundry . DAY15 .Make him your friend ( and i mean a friend.  not like bollywood movies where they go on mouthing inane dialogues like " dosti me no sorry no thankyou " to kya main kisi anjaan se sorry bolun???? )
believe that you are the best ,'coz in case some of you thought that may be the first 10 days would help . well they don't . no one and especially you don't deserve the fake you. keep on playing that taa- taaa-ta-taa taaa ( bachna aee haseenoooo .. ) in your head . :)
Yeah Yeah I know , I know I"ll get brickbats , eggs , Harman B. thrown at zis post. "hey gal , all guys are not that dumb" , " but i really like teddy bears ...."  etc etc.

I KNOW , so lay off and enjoy :) watever that you're doing , no one's judging you . ( well except maybe the 10000's you already know :P )

And now for the dedications :-

> Saheli  aka Vanilla sky for the  title.

also inspired from
Abhishek Khanna's post about *How to talk to girls in a wedding *

> All the
guy roadies from Roadies 6.0 . especially for that inhuman task last week . Serioulsy what the hell has happened to that show?? That task was crass and cheap in every virtue , If raghu is so gung ho about woman's rights what about some for men eh??

keshi . I think I wanted to  write like her ( but somewhat failed , after all we are individuals eh ? :))

This post is with complete respect to those who questioned and wondered "how I managed to Use 1000 people without ever breaking their hearts" .
i hate typecasting people and putting them into groups . humans use humans , its in our genes  , for small or big needs  , people do flash smiles . But breaking a heart needs something more than that . you need to have someone's heart for that. And this post is intended to all those who tend to give it away -- be the better judge :)

> I Know I'm going from bad to worse in my posts . Don't take the first 10 days seriously :) . truly dedicated to

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Hometown: hmmmm home is where your heart is .
Hair Colour:
Black +brown
Shoe Size:
one size more than my mum's
Righty or Lefty:
mostly righty
ahem , it should be *
gender* , brings ulte pulte khayal
must be about a billion , coz' u know everything started with adam and eve .
Hair colour :
didn't i just write about it ???? Is this the driving licence form ??
5'2" :( :( yaar chutku hu , just like sachin T. , SRK , priety Z. , ....

Have you ever: 

Given anyone a bath?  
yes when i was 3 i triedto give my baby bro a bath !!!!!!!!!

Smoked?  kya karen , ajkal karna hi padta hai , pollution convolution.

Nopes , never met Whacko Jacko .

Made yourself throw up?
hmmmmmmm , i do feel vomitish before the exams , but otherwise , ya once i had a splitting headache which made me puke up.

Gone skinny dipping?
And WAzz That ??

Eaten a hot dog?  
haven't eaten but I ogle at Ranbir whenever I get the chance to .

Put your tongue on a frozen pole?  
seriously , Who started this ?????

Loved someone so much it made you cry?  
Itni kismat kahaaaaa

Broken a bone?   he bhagwaaan nahiiiiii ,

Played truth-or-dare?   From the time I've joined school and i don't know why but the most usual question is "  which guy do  you like the most in *this* class ? "

Been in a police car?
hahhahahaha yaaaa that was when I helped the police catch Shobhraj.

Been on a plane?
yup , yup , and yup but no crazy encounter like Mads :)

Been in a sauna  ?
hmmmm kabhi summer time me kolkata aaiy e, sauna ka matlab samjhati hu

Been in a hot tub?  
ji haaaa

Gone swimming in the ocean?
pool me hi kismat kharab thi , but ya been to the oceans. one thing people must try are the sweets there .:) 

Fallen asleep in school?
nooooo only once in college :P

Ran away?  from home ?
NO . from some one ? YES 

Broken someone's heart?  
YES once I crucified a vampire :D :D 

Cried when someone died?  
And this question makes me realise how heartless I am . NO.

Cried in school?    
hahhahhahha yeah baby have done that. reason 1: got 50 in maths once !!!
                                   reason 2 : when I slapped a guy , because he was about to propose me . Yes the nautanki helped him getting him two more from the teachers :D

Fallen off your chair?    
For this , the credit completely goes to my brother

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call?  
duh NO 

Saved e-mails?  
Ya I do that .

Fallen for one of your best friends?   
NO  dearies , I don't *fall

Used someone?   Haaa 1000 times . I'm so mean ,that when I pick up a child , I expect it to give me its cerelac bowl. So I guess I did use people , but not the kind they show in Bhandarkar's movies.

Have you had... 

Chicken pox?  
NO measles

A sore throat? 
hahahaah have one right now

 sorry I don't eat anything called stiches

this really is my driving license ka form*

Do you... 

Believe in love at first sight?
Na jii , in my village , people don't even look at each other.

Like picnics?  
Only If I don't have to cook

Like school?
 :)  except the second one in assam .

Would you eat a live hamster for $1,000,000?  Fry It Dude , fry it .

Who was the last person that called you?  
I think Esha . or maybe Dad ,but he spoke to mom too.

Who was the last person you slow-danced with?   
I actually did it 2 mins back with mom .

What makes you laugh the most?  
People , and natural silliness

What makes you smile?
My brain which kinda sends a signal to my cheek nerves

Who is the last person...

You yelled at?
ummmmmmm has to be mummy ji , but that was last year OK , so lay off

Who broke your heart?  
 I is No Vampire !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Ok OK I"ll tell u  the truth .....

      She breaks My heart , like she always does . Kamini , pehle , ranbir kafi nahi tha kya , that I have to see this also !!!!!!!!!!

Do you...

Like filling these out?
 anything to escape the drudgery of life

Wear glasses or contacts?  

    Glasses yaaar

Like yourself?

   MOST of the times

Get along well with your family? That still happens ???? hehhehe yes I live in with them , you know.

Are you...

Obsessive?  Once upon a time I wanted to be obsessive about my studies , but alas......

At times.
Anorexic?     No way ,My BMI is almost perfect 
Suicidal ?  hahhaha no , but had once threatened that To mom, to absolute ZERO effect 

This and that:
Coffee or tea:
 or me ??? hehhe sorry sorry thats cheap. Coffee ,any day any time . waise do u guys know about the *other meaning * of having coffee ?? :P

Phone or in person:
Depends on if i'm footing the bill or not

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest or the only child: Oldest , but only Ms Bannerjee can do Didigiri

Indoor or outdoor:

Indoor or Outdoor what ??? 
                                    like eating ? indoor
                                    walking : outdoor
                                     using abuses : outdoor
                                      tandoor :outdoor

Final questions:


What are you listening to right now?  Nayan tarse ( Dev D. ) + Ore Piya (Aaja Nachle )  + kaise mujhe tum mil gayeee (Ghajini)

What did you do yesterday? Accompanied a friend to her hair cutting endevour

Where do you want to get married?  
What , WAht , *zapped out* , Sorry - I - No -Understand- Question -too -Embarrased - To -Say -Might-be-Some -Usual -mandap-But -hate-it-that-way-so-I-say-Nowhere-sorry-Thoughts-Not-clear-Changing-answer-to-gondola-......-Weren't-parents-supposed-to-take-care-of-such-minorities????

I would like to be: Senti*mental*

Are you a good driver?
 How do you know I'm learning???THIS has to be a form for driving license.

Are you a good singer?  ask my friends :D , I'm more of a continuous singer

What do you dream about?

Dreams ain't fixed . after all , dreams break , dreamers dont.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Two People

Sometimes two people can interact only so much with each other.
The interest fades after some days and everything grows on you , every characteristic and every mannerism,  sometimes we may not even give so much time for the growth .
isliye to kuch log best friends ban jate hai , aur kuch ki baatein 'hello -hi ' pe jaa kar hi ruk jati hai.

Then there are some we want to start something with , and think that this could lead only to friendship , enymity ,disagreement /agreement . Actually we don't think that much about what could happen in the future. It is when we go there  , that we realise if we are in any furthur use of that person. Aur kabhi kabhi use ki baat to dimag me bhi nahi aati hai.

Sometimes even when two people don't meet for a long time , they abide by the norms of the past.Maybe that is the reason we feel so free with our school friends and families , the people who know what we once were , even though we might've changed by eons.

I have 87 friends on orkut all of I  'personally' know ,but, only 3 with whom I can talk whenever wherever.

Duniyan badi gol hai
duniya badi gol hai
hain isme kitne jhol
galiyon galiyon chappa chappa

aplam chaplam lare lappa
tauba tauba rappa rappa
dei dei dei dei dei
toda pal mein pal mein masa
Pal mein pakda pal mein phansa
ekrun tikrum dekh tamasha
Yeh duniya badi gol hai
aari tedhi tirchi tirchi
meethi meethi mirchi mirchi
dikhti asli ,lekin pharji
je je jee jee jee

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I'm human

I'm human and hence Jealous , I'm human and hence get angry , I'm human and...

I had a blast of a day today . Well intially it wasn't supposed to be so with some boring chores to be done. But , bhagwaan ki kripa se all that got cancelled and I could go out with my school friends.
it was an all girl group & no offence , but , mazza hi kuch aur hai .

So while we were there and since more than half of my friends happen to be cancerians , my friend bought  " bejan daruwala tells your future for 2009 - CANCER".After the usual round of "love & marriage " and all , we decided to read about  the various divisions in which a cancerian is divided according to their date of birth .

Those who are born in the same week as I am are supposed to  have an inferiority complex  etc etc. Shunning these thoughts I enjoyed the whole day just as I would have otherwise .

An hour ago , something struck me . Maybe not an inferiority complex , but there have been times when I had felt sorry for myself.

My memory went back a year , I was carrying my heavy library books , walking to the busstand , with hair as askew as could be. And who do I see passing by , two people who I knew from a long time back, those who had flunked their boards  , looking as if they were the brand ambassadors of Allen Solly or something . And that was when I felt angry. really angry.

I feel enraged when I see people  making exam chits , some of 'em even proudly exhibit the fact that they could 'buy' the papers beforehand .

Then there are people who get through IMA in their 3 / 4th chances , there I had been looked down upon because of 83% . 

The unfairness of it bites you , but even then you cannot protest against the things . Why?? Because then u might be deemed " too held up".

What is the way out then?? Only one way , not to demean yourself ,not to pity yourself  because of such people , it is to hold your head high without thinking too much about it.

I for my part want to be rich , ambitious and at the top . tall promises to keep aren't they? I want to do exactly opposite of what they do , of what all the fakos do.

I might come down sooner than what you are thinking right now ,  but it matters what I think.
& like Raghu said " the process of detachment has to begin"

ps= Raghu's leaving roadies. It's become boring now.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I dream about

I'm cooking my usual breakfast , the eggs almost done , the toast is burning. I switch off the toaster.There's a weird smell , the gas is leaking , I turn off the cylinder .Yet the gas leaks , I panic, and open all the windows & doors of my house .
 & then I wake up.

Cool breeze carresses my hair, dadu is sitting by my feet , smiling . I feel content . His face is not visible, but he conveys that he has faith in me. Then as suddenly as the breeze fear steals over . Its been a week since he died.
& then I wake up .

My brother is sleeping. But he is sleeping on my bed and not his.I can sense something wrong ,just like the time when he was about to fall and I failed to warn him. The fan , there's something wrong with it , It comes crashing down him and all I can do is shout " hat jaa".
& then I wake up.

I'm very excited. Tomorrow we"ll go to watch Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I hope to have a happy dream. I dream of the whole Koi Mil gaya song just as it was in the movie.

Its my 13th and last christmas. I dream that santa gives me a nail enamel ,all my friends wear it u know , but mom doesn't allow me. I wake up & thats what I find in my stockings :).

My board results are due tomorrow . I dream meenakshi calls me up to lemme know about my results. Next day , my net is slower than usual , Meenakshi calls up " hey tera result sun , I got through the result helpline ......"

I know I'm sleeping and yet I'm falling . But there's no fear in me, in fact I feel happy , floating away into  blissfulness.Its a dream .

Intitutions , fear , wishes all reflected in them
they seem truer than reality , yet are at a distance from reality.
seperated by a thin border of surrealism , reality can also be a dream
I wake up every time knowing that they weren't true
Why do i search for my answers in them ? then?
My mind which remains in my control , slips into the other world at night.
If my 'self' is for real , why can't my thoughts be too???

ps=  people if u dont like what u read in my blog , its ok if u don't comment. u dont have to just because i did in your blog .