Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A Realist

I have always prided myself on being a realist, someone who has always had her head strongly on her shoulders, who knows what she is , who can interpret other people and their reactions fairly well , I never really splurge on myself , scarcely let my parents pay for me , am perfectly perfect with my words around guys , never been caught on the wrong foot  the whole gamut.

But you know what? Somewhere heart of heart, I hate being a realist! So there are times when I slip into wishful thinking and imagine what if I could have been more of a dreamer , what if I couldve been exactly like what I dream of ....

To start off I surely wouldn't be working a 9-7 job, I would be doing something with a fancy name like "interior designer" ,  " a modern age relationship fixer" , or someone who just gets paid to party .. not mentioning a certain Miss Hilton here :P
I obviously can't be a designer , any memory of learning to draw reminds me of my Arts teacher reprimanding me with a "this woman you've drawn looks like a maid servant" I had actually thought that 'so isn't she a woman as well'.. but had kept mum..
I would've been a relation fixer if only I had had a relation of my own to begin with ,.. in my dreams I am a girl who cares a lot about how she looks  and is naturally blessed with healthy skin and hair .. who has had one boyfriend in school , one in college and now with the love of her life .. (not mentioning a certain Avantika who dated Ranbir Kapoor in school and Imran Khan in college .. oh yeah!)
Like  I once said to a sympathetic friend who said I could get anyone and even probably lend her one "yaha meri gadi ka loan pass nahi hua hai , aur tu mujhse petrol mang rahi hai??"

In another world , I would have done some solid aish on my parents money .. shopped till I dropped without feeling an ounce of guilt ,.. but woe be gone! I can't remember a single time when I didnt feel guilty about using my parents' money.. even when  I was in college ..  I wish I could switch off the guilt thing .. which forced me to be such a realist .. *sigh*
I would've driven a DDLJ wala red car .. which I love so much, and while driving I wouldn't have to wear contact lenses (which are oh-so-difficult to get because I have cyndrical power of  180 degrees) because my eyesight will be perfect ..

and I could eat pepperoni pizza everyday ..... *I die whenever I think of a happy pizza .. yummm*

But most of all , in my dreams I am always with my parents ( unlike reality where I have to stay apart because I want to prove my mettle) , bestest of friends and we have loads of fun ( unlike reality where friends and me have to go here and there is search of better jobs/education)  and all of us stay together .

Dreams are hard to fulfill and its harder to completely squash them, so the midway is to dream while you can , to wish while you hope , because you never really know as they say," Careful what you wish for coz you just might get it" :)

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Marriage or Not

I have exactly 2 minutes to write this post because then it will be "get ready for office time".
Anyhoo, I have asked my poor parents to look for a match for me after 5 months , 5 months because I hope to become somewhat beautiful by then .

My Parents meanwhile had thought of accepting a boyfriend as their damaad, and since like many other dreams which I have crashed this will be another one in the line. Yes I have been single forever and proposal count = 0 . For the guys who are reading this , yes girls do keep a proposal count , ha ha !

anyway, but I don't really wanna get married  even though I know its inevitable.
On one hand marriage would mean giving up the chance of becoming something dashing, of probably working in a city like New York or something , of meeting someone "interesting"
and on the other hand it would mean finally settling down with someone who would provide me roots and I would do the same to that person.Someone who will support my dreams and whose dreams I will nurture.

I don't think people like me fall in love unless they are wonderfully wooed in filmy style because thats the only way they will understand that someone is in love with them .. he he

and my 2 minutes are up..
I have contentment
- getting ready for another day
in hope of finding mind numbing happiness :)

Saturday, December 8, 2012

I am tired of staring at the chicken curry - rice photo in my previous post and hence this post.

When I started writing , I wrote in sms language, then somebody pointed it out and  I rectified .
I said that I won't call myself a writer because I don't want to sound like those "pseudo-intellectuals" . Heart of heart I wanted to be a la Bridget Jones, but sadly neither am I English nor do I have a Hugh Grant around.
Read other people's blogs , found quite a few of them silly and childish and still commented on them.
Even though I failed to understand what was so good in them that they got 50-60 comments..(though some perfectly good ones get that many too)

Comments :- something which drove us all at some or the other point. Someone's comment made me feel good , but then again , what does it matter , I should comment only if I like to not if I want that person to come  back and read my blog.
This give-and-take everywhere is seriously too much to deal with...

I don't think I want to publish my posts in Facebook anymore .. the more you think about the people who are reading you, the more u write what they wanna read than what you really want to write.

and then of course , there's this constant problem of thoughts dwindling away.. you sit there to write something ,complete 2-3 paragraphs and then completely phase out .. and don't know how to end it ..

Most importantly, the people to whom I connected most emotionally in this blog world have left or are almost dormant, so what is there really? In all of it? Moreover, why should I put my life out there? people read, they forget, I read them and I forget too ..and yet I can't quit because there's some feel good thing in jotting down what you think  , mostly because I wouldn't be able to tell it all to somebody.

And that's how this cookie crumbles , also, I am just going to go without any titles now .. they just spoil the whole laziness attitude I have here ,,,,,

- for the lack of words,